Chapter 4

THE RELEASE

So as of 1 PM yesterday afternoon I was finally let off of their lease and my security deposite was returned to me. I was feelin good. And to add to it, the guy they had in mind to take my place said he was having second thoughts, which was wonderful... so he paid the security deposite as promissed, but he didn't sign so he's not legally bound... smart choice on his part.
I was still worried that tensions were going to be unbearable between me and them, but Kirstin, amber, and I went to dinner before our Sociology final and everything seemed fine. amber and I seemed united in frustration against this one instructor we had last semester for a freshman interest group 1 credit hour seminar who failed only us for missing more than one class. that's something i'm still in the process of fighting, acctually, but that's another story. Anyway, when I got back from my test I went into our room to but my stuff down at my desk and then remembered that i had to call my dad back, so I went out into the hall and closed the door behind me so she could concentrate on what i thought was studying (turns out later she was only writing a letter to her "boyfriend" in san diego). Anyway, after i finish talking to my dad I wander two door down to talk to Lauren and Dana. That's where I still am when our RA comes by and says he needs to check out my room to complete a form.
I go back to my room and it was locked... Amber no where to be found - of course. THis wasn't the first time she's locked me out on purpose. SO I call her to find out where she went, because if she was near by i was going to ask her to come and open the door... but she answered the phone with such distain and spite, even after our seemingly fine dinner together, that I didn't know what to do. I asked her where she was and she replied "why does it matter?" in a tone that was unmistakably malignant. I told her why I needed to get in the room and asked her again w here she was, but she just said something that was muffled by static and hung up. At this point I was so angry I could have strangled her if she were standing next to me. Of course, I would never try that because she comes from a white-trash part of town whose residents get into fist-fights often and drive eachother off the road.
Instead of losing it, I just went down to the front desk with my RA to get the key and I let him in. After he checked what he needed to, I called Morgan down the hall to see if she was in and could house my suitcases. She said she could and when I rolled them in she asked why and I could only tell her the truth - that I was acctually afraid amber would steal or distroy my stuff - I wouldn't put anything past her. So she had the brilliant idea that I just move in with her and Sam completely. Not only did I take all of my things out of my room and move them to MOrgan's, but I got my RA to sign me out... so I have no further connection to that room or to her. If she did't want me as her friend or roommate that badly, then she can get stuck with cleaning the whole thing herself. I left her stuff in a state of disaray also when we moved the furniater back to its original possition.
I've stayed with Sam and Morgan before - a couple weeks ago right after they told me not to live with them, so I know things will be fine. I just feel like I"m getting in the way. I hate to be dependant on people (I can't go anywhere unless I"m borrowing a key or I know that I can be let back in) and I hate being a burden on people. But they keep telling me that it's okay. SO I trust them. I just have to tough it out untill Friday night when I take my last final and then go home for the weekend with Chelsea until my flight on Monday.
I can't wait to go home. Even though i've finally realized who my real friends are... the people that care about me here and would do anything to help me... I"m just burnt out. I am really looking forward to being home for the summer.

Chapter 3

REACTION

I went to my main confidant and good friend on the floor - Nick. He agreed with me that what they did was horrible, but being the understand eperson he is, he also kept a neutral view and wanted to talk to them about their perspective. Others also agreed with me, so if wasn't lack of support that was killing me, it was just feeling like I had lost three friends and all of my plans and dreams for the year to come.
So basically, they kicked me out on my own to find another place to live with two weeks left of school. It finally set in the next day what exactly had happened. I couldn't look at them, I couldn't talk to them. I spent that day as far away as possible and I spend the night in Sam and MOrgan's room. They were kind enough to help me.
Two days later Amber calls me, yelling at my answering machine that I'm being immature and uncivil toward her and the others for avoiding them those two days. I'M THE ONE BEING IMMATURE!!!??? I couldn't believe it. They "called a meeting" saying that they wouldn't let me off the lease untill they found someone to replace me. First they want me gone, then they won't let me go to satisfy their own selfish needs - nevermind that I'm going to have to sign another lease that's 200 dollars a month more than what they'll be paying. But I should have expected it - I knew they were insensitive and uncaring about anything but themselves.

chapter 2

SECOND SEMESTER 2ND HALF

Tensions continued to build between Kristin and I. I expressed this to Amber, who is my roommate, so we naturally share with eachother. Amber and I acctually became quite close over the school year. We play well off eachother - so to speak. But as would happen to any two people who live in close proximity for such a long time, we began to dislike one another as well. I kept hoping though, that time away during summer would clear the air, and that we would come back next fall ready to make a new life in our new appartment together - the three of us - and Hoosier Courts. Apparently, I was wrong.
Two weeks ago, they sat me down right after my shower, towl still on my head and all. I didn't expect what was coming. "We don't think it's a good idea that you live with us next year." In so many words, that's eventually the conclusion that was reached. They would tell you that they did not kick me out, it was a decision that was reached by all of us, because our personalities just clash too much. THey gave me all kinds of rediculous reasons, stories and excuses as to why they thought we "clashed" and why I was the one that should leave instead of the the other three (there is another girl involved, but she's not important). If they had just left it at "the logical thing to do" I probably would not have had such a strong rection - but they had to fill it up with crap.
I sat there, and I listened, after all, they did have a point... we did have very different personalities. I mentioned my hope that summer would clear the air - but apparently that's all a myth. They said they were doing it to save our friendship. The real reason is they just don't feel like working anything out. As far as I'm concerned, the friendship was terminated the minute they opened their mouths. On the outside, I held my cool. I agreed, I didn't cry, and I walked out at the end leaving them, in my room, to talk some more. Inside, of course, I felt betrayed and riped apart.

My First blog about life

Alright. So, for a long time I've thought that this blog had to be about something media related. Because of this, I struggled for a long time to try and find something every week that I could write about which pertained to the media and was not redundant. Eventually, I gave up - which I know I should not have done, but not being a blogger, I just got frustrated and left it be. I figure now that I know it can be about anything, and I'm feeling the need to vent about a few things, I might as well use it to my benifit.
My story starts around the time of spring break, so I'll do this in chapters.

Chapter 1: Spring Break from Hell

Back in December, my roommate and I bought tickets to Los Angeles for spring break. The only way she could go was because she had a voucher from a previous flight that was screwed up - so I said it would be amazing if she could come home with me for Sping. I would love to show her where I live, introduce her to friends and family, and just hand out. A week or so later, we convinced one of our other friends to come along with us. She has family in California, so it wouldn't be her first time, but she said it would be fun.
For the sake of time, I'll try to keep it short. Basically, we all had different agendas, we all wanted to do different things that clashed with what the others wanted to do.
I was the driver, so I had to comply with the groups wishes (the group being them). However, apparently my driving them around all over hell and gone (not asking for gas money) and letting them stay at my house wasn't enough. THey yelled at me every time a made a wrong turn and made fun of me for just about everything else. They insulted my family with disrespecful comments multiple times. My parents even noticed it.
Things were pretty bad, especially between Kristin and I. She's the more beligerant one. Amber was irritating, but nothing horrible. THe things she says are just so condescending and ... just mean. She rarely cares for other people's feelings and makes herself look like an ass when ever she talks. I just can't stand how arrogant she is. ANyway, I did not return from Spring break relaxed or rejuvinated, but more stressed and more irritated with the people I had chosed to be my friends.

Snap

While on spring break, my friends and I took what seemed like thousands of pictures. It turned out to only be around two-hundred and thirty. That in itself is amazing to me, that we, in today's age, can take hundreds of pictures within the course of a week and think nothing of it. I personally love to take pictures and have a digital camera which I use all the time. I'm the unoffical photographer of my group of friends. It's always me that puts pictures up on facebook, or prints them out to hang up. I won't miss something because I'm behind the lense, but I will take every oppurtunity I can to snag a pic of a friend or a sunset. As a matter of fact, I just hung up several pictures on the outside of our door so that all who walk by can see what fun we had over break. And if they tear them down... I'll be very angry.

URL

I find it amusing that a few years ago the internet was the new frontier, and now even cans of mixed fruit have URLs on them. Today, if a company, store, school, or anything else dosen't have a good website, then they can't really be a good company. I don't have much to say about this, it's just something that I noted.

Crossword Mania

So, recently my roommate and I have been into doing the crosswords in the IDS. She is really good at them, I on the other hand, have some sort of dificiency when it comes to solving them. However, I soon discovered that the internet in all its splendor is the ultimate resourse for people such as me who want to believe they can do crosswords. Want to know Apollo's mother? type it into Google. Want to find a synonym for dumbfound? go to Dictionary.com. It's amazing. Before there were crossword dictionaries - now there is a whole world of information at your fingertips: the internet.

Dear Diary

At the beginning of my college career, or rather at the end of my high school years, my cousin suggested to me that a keep a journal to track my growth over the next four years. I thought it was a good idea - I just had to decide if I wanted it on my computer, or on paper. I suppose though, that I must be a mite old fashioned, as I don't enirely trust my deeper inner thoughts to technology. I chose to write on paper because my mom told me that she kept a journal from around the time I was born for several years untill her computer crashed and she lost everything. I know that you can back things up, but I also know that I probably would not remember to that on a regular basis. At the time, I never even thought of blogs or live journals, because I didn't know much about them. But even looking back and knowing that nothing can really be lost forever on the internet, I still wouldn't want to take the chance that someone else could read it. I've always detested Live Journal because of the things people say about other people, I would never want to be part of something I detest. I don't know - I guess it's a personal preferance. But mine is still to not publish my life on the internet - maybe one day in a book, but not online.